Alright, so forgive me if this is getting pretty lonesome...I've never been one of these guys who likes to be a burden. Most of the time I try my best to not be the whiner, or the complainer. I know when I was little my mom had this rule...she used to say that she couldn't hear me when I whined. Anytime I would speak to her in a whiney voice, she'd say..."get the whine out of your voice, and I'll hear what you are trying to say." That has stuck with me till now...so forgive me if I sound whiney...I'm trying really hard not to.
Anyways...getting to the point. Today when I got up, after eating lunch, I went down to my shop and had a very upsetting email in my inbox. I don't really want to go into details about what happened, but let's just say I made a mistake, and let me tell you...I have definitely learned my lesson from it. All these things that I go through I know are all God trying to teach me some things...but let me tell you...they are not always easy lessons to learn...sometimes they hurt. This lesson had to lead to me getting my first ever counseling since I joined the Navy. A "counseling"...as we call it in the Navy, is when someone who is senior to you, sits you down and discusses with you what you did wrong, and what must be done to fix it to ensure it doesn't happen again. Sorry if that was confusing, but hopefully you understood what I wast trying to say.
So...like I said...I know this is a lesson I needed to learn, and I guess it's good that I'm learning now before I get older, but it still hurts, and I was pretty upset about it. To be honest...I wasn't sure whether to cry or throw something during the whole situation. Thankfully I was able to maintain my composure and did neither. But Psalm 139 kept going through my head today, so I thought I would post that passage in closing. I hope and pray that these words from the Lord are an encouragement to you!
O Lord, thou hast searched me, and known me. Thou knowest my downsitting and mine uprising, thou understandest my thought afar off. Thou compassest my path and my lying down, and art acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word in my tongue, but, lo, O LORD, thou knowest it altogether. Thou hast beset me behind and before, and laid thine hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me; it is high, I cannot attain unto it. Whither shall I go from thy spirit? or whither shall I flee from thy presence? If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there. If I take the wings of the morning, and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea; Even there shall thy hand lead me, and thy right hand shall hold me. If I say, Surely the darkness shall cover me; even the night shall be light about me. Yea, the darkness hideth not from thee; but the night shineth as the day: the darkness and the light are both alike to thee. For thou hast possessed my reins: thou hast covered me in my mother's womb. I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. How precious also are thy thoughts unto me, O God! how great is the sum of them! If I should count them, they are more in number than the sand: when I awake, I am still with thee. Surely thou wilt slay the wicked, O God: depart from me therefore, ye bloody men. For they speak against thee wickedly, and thine enemies take thy name in vain. Do not I hate them, O LORD, that hate thee? and am not I grieved with those that rise up against thee? I hate them with perfect hatred: I count them mine enemies. Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.