Broken and filled...

Do you ever feel as if you have been broken and filled at the same time?  You feel like God has broken down your pride and made you feel completely inadequate, but He's also filled you with greater affection for Him, and for those He's put in your life to point you to Him?  I suppose this is what Paul reflected on in 2 Cor. 12:9-10, But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (ESV)

If you've been following my recent posts you know that I was recently appointed to the position of Associate Pastor at my church.  In fact today in Impact Groups (they're the small groups we meet in at Northland every Wednesday) one of the leaders of our group brought the article from the local paper that announced my appointment.  Anyhow...I've been thinking about this position a lot, and what it will entail.  I didn't feel like I was going into it with pride, but I found out today that God was about to show me that I wasn't acknowledging truly how much I need Him in this position...

Today I got some information that broke my broke my heart because I greatly love the one that is struggling...I got the news, prayed a quick prayer, and tried to keep doing the things I needed to get done today...but God wasn't going to let me get away with just that.  I started speaking with my girlfriend about what was going on (I can't thank God enough for the encouragement she gives me), and I began to feel overwhelmed with the need to stop what I was doing and talk to my Father about it.  So I got alone and began to pray to Him about it.  Before I knew it I broke down...God began to press on my heart how much I truly need Him.

Left to myself I turn immediately to selfishness and indulgence in what I want.  I become inward focused and turn quickly away from the One who alone can give me the joy I seek...He alone is worthy of my undivided affections.  I desperately need Him...every hour!

My prayer this summer as I minister at my church is that I would continue to be broken and filled!  Broken by my own inadequacy, and filled with strength to do the work and a love for the Church that can only come from my Father!