Reflections on Marriage

Almost 8 months ago, I married my best friend...




It was definitely the happiest day of my life. I never thought I could love and care for someone so deeply. But I also never thought that something could change me so much...in a good way of course. I never thought marriage would grow me so much in Christ.

So, in this post, I would like to share some of the things that marriage has taught me so far in these las almost 8 months. I by no means think I am some kind of expert on marriage, now. In fact, 10-20 years down the road I might look back on these words and laugh at my own foolishness, but I really believe that what I've learned have been good solid, even biblical truths.

Married life has taught me so much so far, but I'd like to focus on two things I've learned.


The faithfulness of my partner to me, provides so much security. Quite a few months back, our pastor taught a series of Sunday school classes on worldview, and for one of the weeks he talked about sex. He talked about how the world says you are to have sex as much as you want with however many people you want. There are no limitations that should be placed on it, just have sex as much as you can. Pursue what makes you happy, and if sex makes you happy, have as much as you can. While, on the other side, a biblical view of sex says that you covenant with another person that you will have sex with only them as long as you're both alive. And through that faithfulness you have toward one another, comes such a sense of security. It creates security because you know that no matter what happens, your husband/wife isn't going anywhere. They will be by your side through thick and thin (maybe even literally in a physical way :P). You don't have to worry about performing...you don't have to worry about hiding who you really are...you don't have to worry about them running away...because they have covenanted to stick with you...no matter what happens.

I can tell you personally, that this has been revolutionary for me. For most of my life I have struggled with fear of man. With always being afraid of what people think of me. With being afraid that people will run away if they see the real me. I would hide in the corner quietly when around people that I was afraid might not like me because of how I acted...so I would rather just not speak then speak and be judged...this was me for years! But after getting married...and living with someone who has truly seen all of me and still loves me...and I know won't run for the door when she sees the real me...it's so freeing. I can really be who I really am without fear of rejection. Rachel continues to see who I really am and still loves me...and there is such a feeling of freedom in that. And this is not only seen in my interactions with Rachel...it's been seen in my interactions with everyone. Down in my heart, I know that Rachel loves me no matter what...and so I feel like I can truly be myself with whomever I'm around.

The world says relationships are to have a consumer mindset...be with whoever makes you happy...and if who you're with no longer makes you happy...then find someone else. They call this freedom...but it's not freedom. It creates a situation with no security...where you are subject to the whims of your partner...if you fart too much around them, they might run away...if they're afraid you might reject them, they run away...with this kind of thinking you are constantly afraid that your partner will leave...and so you become a slave to your fear. True freedom comes when you covenant in marriage to never leave the other...and this creates a freedom to really be yourself...

As wonderful as marriage is, it's only a shadow of what is to come for the believer. I remember before marriage being so excited to experience all that married life had to bring. I wanted to experience the intimacy that it brings...I wanted to know the joys of that intimacy...I wanted to experience what I thought would be the greatest joy I could ever know on this earth. I remember thinking that I really hoped the Lord did not return before I got married because I really wanted to experience that joy and satisfaction before I left this earth. And let me tell you...I was not disappointed after experiencing it. The marriage relationship and all that goes with it has given me more joy than I would have thought possible...but even with all the immense joy it brings, I have found that my heart still longs for more. I want more joy...I want more pleasure. And it's after realizing this truth, that I was reminded of a quote by C. S. Lewis. He said, "If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world."

What Lewis is pointing to in that quote is that we were made for another world...this is not our home...because we have desires that nothing on this earth can quench. We were made for eternity with God...the one who alone can give us the joy we seek. Psalm 16:11 states, "You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore." Only in a relationship with the God of the universe can we have the "fullness of joy" we seek.

So, lets enjoy marriage...and the joys of this life. Let's drink deeply of the joys that God has given us here...but let us, by God's grace, not let the things of this earth become idols that replace God...because only in Him can we receive the true and lasting joy that we long for.


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