Does anyone else feel like they've struggled with feeling like they're in a "funk of laziness" amid these COVID-19 restrictions? I have. I work from home, so many days have involved me rolling out of bed and wearing what I slept in for the full day while I work. I leave the house typically one or two days a week. Mainly to go to church or go visit my in-laws. It's hard to feel motivated when your day involves so little movement. I've put on at least 10 lbs since this whole thing started.
In the midst of this, I've found myself really struggling emotionally...specifically with anxiety. The littlest struggle with things getting busy, and I've been feeling overwhelmed. I've found myself becoming more and more emotionally distant, as well.
My time in the Word has been consistent, but it's been a box to check on my to-do list, with little Christian growth. And since my routine was thrown off with my typical prayer time on my commute to work, my prayer life has been worse than it has been in a long time.
This past Monday, God opened my eyes to the reality of my situation. I saw the laziness for just what it was/is.
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.
Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:7-14 (ESV)
A part of me struggles when I read the last part of this text because it feels like legalism. It sounds like I'm "pulling myself up by my bootstraps." When I was growing up, I was a little legalist who thought Christianity was all about my own effort, so anytime I read something that sounds like that, I have a knee-jerk reaction against this. But this is a case of an overreaction. While I may bring nothing to my salvation but my need, I do bring effort into my growth in Christ (my sanctification). My growth in Christ is a cooperative effort. God works in me, and I work...I strive. I strive with reliance on the Holy Spirit.
So, God brought truths like this to my mind to essentially "kick me in the butt." Regardless of what my life is like...regardless of what is going on in the world, I am called to press on. To keep moving forward in my walk with Christ. I have a little girl I adore, and an incredible wife, and I'm called to lead them spiritually. I'm called to lovingly and sacrificially serve them. And by God's grace, through the power of the Holy Spirit, I want to do that.
And also, on a practical level...I need to get off my butt. Get up and get exercise. Go for walks with the dogs...stop sleeping in so late. Actually, get dressed in regular work clothes (not saying it's wrong to work in what you slept in, I know it helps me to be more motivated when I get fully dressed). I need to be a good steward of the time God has given me.
Also, on a slightly less related note...Sydney (our daughter, who's almost 6 months old) started to pay attention during family bible time last night. We've been reading to her and singing together most nights since she was born. Still, she's usually either been asleep for it or not interested. But last night, while I was reading, she stared at me with this happy, inquisitive look, like she was trying to understand what I was saying. And she made the same face while we sang, too. It was a special moment.
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