On April 3rd 2020 at 2:29 AM, God gave us a beautiful baby girl, Sydney Elizabeth Hunsicker.
From the moment she was born, my life began to change...or maybe I could say it more clearly that God began to change me. Obviously Christians know that our whole life on this earth is about constant change. Every day God works in us to grow us and shape us more into the image of His Son. But God definitely brings us through seasons where the change seems to shift into high gear. I post often about my own struggle with selfishness, and I think perhaps we can say that the growth of the Christian is about decreasing in pride and growing in selflessness. After all, sin is about being my own god...living as though I'm number one. So, increasing in holiness is about esteeming our Triune God more, and ourselves less.
I share all this to say that God has been using this little one to further grow me, and confirm just how selfish I still am. I love our baby girl...so much more than I ever thought I could love a little one. I look at her cute face (like the one she's making in the pic above) and my heart just melts. My affection for her is so strong. What is the definition of love? It's defined many ways, but one of them that I find very helpful is that it is selflessness. It is giving up my own desires to serve others. It is sacrificing my own desires to lay my life down for someone else. Jesus is the very definition of love, because He left the glory of heaven to come to this earth...and He laid down His life for us (John 15:13). This is what I'm called to model as the spiritual leader of my home. Being willing to give up everything to love and serve my family.
But I'm a sinner. I'm a work in progress, and God is using this little one to show me just how much I still need to grow in love. Late nights where we're up feeding her, and I feel like there are weights on my eyelids and I can barely keep them open...times where she's fussing so much that I have to pour all my attention into her to keep her content...I am called to die. To die to myself and live for God's glory.
Last week in particular I was struggling. I had this moment of realization that I had lost some freedoms. I had to consider her in my decisions. I had to consider the fact that I needed to be there to help my wife care for her, and there was almost this moment of mourning for what I had lost. Then God reminded me of something I mentioned above. Jesus, the savior of the world, gave up immeasurably more. He gave up the glory of heaven to live on this earth. To suffer with the uncomfortability of living in this fallen world...the heat...the dirt...the bad smells on the streets of Israel. He faced persecution and opposition from those whom He spoke into existence. And ultimately He suffered the most cruel death imaginable on the cross. I haven't given up ANYTHING in comparison to Him...and I was immediately humbled.
I've also struggled with moments of anxiety. Thoughts of, "what if I turn out to be a terrible father?" And, "what if I don't disciple her as well as God has called me to?" Or, "how early should I start reading the Word to her?" (We ultimately decided to start now because I like the idea of her earliest memories being of us sitting down to read Bible stories to her) But in this God also began to work...He reminded me that none of this rests on my shoulders. I'm not alone, and ultimately God is the one who will do the work. I'm just called to be faithful. Will I fail? Yes. Am I weak? Yes...but God's grace is sufficient (2 Cor. 12:9).
So, God has been working in my life through this little one, and I know He will continue to...and I'm so thankful He does.
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